Life List

The topic comes up on talk shows, on the radio and on other blogs. People are creating “Life Lists” that is, things to get done before you die.

While I don’t see any harm in having a life list, know that I will never create one for myself. I don’t like to have “pending” things, I like my plate clean. That Franklin Covey store gives me a rash. I work hard to get the job done right away. I have come to the realization that if I have a Life List, it will only torture me.

Therefore, for your reading enjoyment, I have created the “Luggage List of Things That I Will Never Do”. Never say never? That’s a bunch of crap. Here we go:

10. Pierce myself somewhere other than my ears.
9. Bungee jump, base jump, sky dive.
8. Ski or snowboard
7. Operate heavy machinery
6. Have a baby without knowing who the father is
5. Rob a bank or otherwise knowingly break the law
4. Read a book deemed “classic”
3. Write or say the words, “I am blessed”, “You are blessed” or “Bless you”
2. Eat at a ‘potluck’
1. Knowingly join an organized religion.

I'll try to keep this brief:

10. I am sad that I pierced my ears. Clip on is the way to go. Furthermore, I am sad that I pierced my ears 6 times. I can appreciate nose piercings in certain cultures…but if we are having a conversation, I won’t be able to stop staring at your piercing.

9. Did you see the footage of the guy who fell 5000 feet all over the news last night? I rest my case.

8. I have a strict policy against being cold and wet and cold. I would like to try that hiking with tennis rackets on your shoes one day...

7. Why would I operate heavy machinery? Aside from some future landscaping, I can’t see anything other than a ‘bobcat’ crossing my path; Mr. Luggage can happily have it.

6. Poor Anna Nicole…

5. I am a law abiding citizen. The guilt of committing said crime would kill me.

4. I don’t like reading books.

3. This creeps me out. Honestly, why do people do this? Aside from an occasional sneeze, why do we all of a sudden have to tell everyone to ‘have a blessed day’? I can tell you one other thing for sure, when I win a big award, I am not going to thank God, Allah or my Savior.

2. I don’t care if you have a popular show on Food TV…I will not eat at your potluck. People do strange things with their food (and their hands) and I cannot participate without loosing my mind.

1. I say ‘knowingly’ because I think those Scientologists are sneaky.